Jennifer Haydock

I know what it feels like to want to be truthful and honest with others, but to feel simultaneously terrified and paralyzed by fear. And just when you think you've built the courage to show up in the world and express your truth, other people make judgments for being who you are because they're not used to it.

I am all too familiar with the experience of having everything in my life look good on paper, but feeling completely scattered. On the outside, it looked like things were aligning: I was the perfect counselling psychology student, with good marks and praise. But on the inside, my inner dialogue was not gentle. I was hypercritical towards myself, fueled by self-judgment and self-doubt, pretending to be happy when I was not.

When my resources were cut off on the outside during the pandemic, I realized I couldn't seek validation externally anymore. If I wanted sustainable, long-lasting change that would heal my core wounds, I needed to take the rose-coloured glasses off and go deep within to find my truth. This is when I decided to take a leap of faith and truly invest in myself and do the deep work I had avoided for so long.

It began with raising my standards. I began to say no to others so I could say HELL YES to me. I gave myself permission to feel, learned to identify my needs and pledge allegiance to them. Stepping into my sovereign power as a healer, I called all my power back by surrendering to my deepest truths. As fierce as this sounds, it also feels so soft and true in my body — and it's given me access to the inner power I always knew I was born with.